Frustrated…

I get very tense about my creative time.

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1 It feels so squeezed out by life and I get frustrated!

2 When I do have time that fantastic butterfly of an idea that landed on my shoulder during the food shop…has fluttered off leaving my with a sense of loss and I am frustrated.

3 Blank page syndrome.  I feel inadequate, ungifted and frustrated.

My self analysis strategies kick in at this point asking me what the evidence for this sense of failure is and reminding me that countless others feel the same. However in the moment it can still be hard to shake.

My granny would also shudder and point out that I have used

‘Frustrated’ in three consecutive sentences. Apologies for this grammatical sin. When I started this post it was titled differently but I realised that my subconscious was trying to get a message across, so I left them in. I get FRUSTRATED! Sorry lovely granny!

Hmm emotions! These I am beginning to understand are good in my creative journey. For me becoming aware of and in touch with myself has become so important to my wellbeing.  As creativity plays a large role in this I ‘feel ‘the need  to explore my creative self. phew – that is hard to explain and I hope it makes some sense 🙂

It has been slowly- ever so slowly – dawning on me that my artistic life can be prone to the stresses and pressures of  the  outside world. My three reasons for frustration are based on demands that I have made on myself – only me.

Perhaps I could try again.

1 When my creative time feels squeezed- perhaps I could arrange things differently. After several attempts this week I have reviewed my list of duties and tasks with a friend. I realised that what pressure has made burdens out of pleasurable tasks that I want to do to help myself and others. Turning things this way round has given me the courage to make slight adjustments: to combine some trips or make them at a more sensible time for me or even to find a better way of achieving things. So far no one has found this a problem. In fact it was me that created the issue by not being communicative and honest!

2 and 3 When I lose an idea- don’t worry. Many artists have quoted the saying that we have everything inside us to achieve what we want to create. If I misplace my butterfly of an idea- it will come back later. Perhaps by then more formed and ready for me to understand!  Meantime I will just do what ever comes to me at the time. It is from a place within me do I should treat it with the love and respect it deserves !

Today I had blank page trouble. So I just explored with a few colours and enjoyed the experience of  mark making. Hopefully this will add to my technical range at a future time. You know what… I had Fun!

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