For many years I used this as a kind of safety blanket, ” Oh , don’t look at this piece I’m just experimenting!” Perhaps this is a bit negative? Is there more to exploring difference?

I am starting to believe that there is and that without experimentation the growth of our creativity can be severely stunted. Many artists feel that time should be spent regularly playing with mark making and style. Of course the benefits may not be obvious straight away which can trick us into thinking that effort has been wasted. No, like most good things, experiences are stored away in our memory bank until the right time arrives.

A recent example of this for me involves flowers. For some reason I shy away from them. Perhaps subconsciously their delicate beauty seems too difficult to capture. Recently though any unstructured work that I do seems to evolve into semi abstract petals and flowers form of their own accord from nowhere. I have tried to resist this, until today. A new technique I was trying just did not suit anything I painted. Finally letting go and trusting my instinct lead of course to flowers in my new style and I hope some pleasing images.

Today’s adventure took me and my dog out and about somewhere new. We wandered across the fields with the sun on our faces and the wind rustling the trees. As always the mind awakens out here in nature: toes dipping in the river and face down on the grass photoing insects at peculiar angles. Surely this is food for the creative soul.

Later I sat sipping coffee and doodling in my journal…Then it happened. Someone asked me “Are you an artist?”  Normally I mutter something about having a go and the fragile flower of my creative self-confidence once more takes a dive. What is it about social convention that makes it impossible to claim the title? If we can drive it is expected that we call ourselves a driver. Why then do we assume that we must have pictures hanging in national gallery before we can truly participate in art? Today I revelled in the incomparable beauty of nature, breathed it in and really looked in appreciation at the colours, patterns and forms around me. How I commit this to paper is unimportant and really not for others to judge. It is just my interpretation and my style. So, this time when the question was asked I replied ” Yes. Yes I am an Artist!” And my heart lept- how wonderful to take ownership and call myself part of this beautiful creativity.

Today my heart is very much open to the emotions and feelings that surround us. I often wonder if ( as we are  now )  in times of change and uncertainty in the world  we naturally turn in to ourselves. We look inward and reflect on the one thing that we know will be with us throughout – ourselves. This may seem meloncolic but actually it is quite positive. Good friends, relationships and social stability are all important to maintaining our wellbeing and happiness. However psychology therapy tells us that our core foundation needs to be a strong and resilient self belief.

Many of my creative friends seem to echo my own frequent feelings of self doubt in their work. How often do we say things like ” Oh, that one is rubbish. I’m just no good at this!”. Or we abandon creative projects that we were once so passionate about because we lose our conviction that we are doing the right thing. Deep down we are all vulnerable and the human brain seems to be set for self criticism. It goes against the grain for most of us to be totally convinced that it is alright to be the person that we are inside. We can live and create just what we feel is right, without the need to produce something conventional or what others say we should. Frequently people will not understand quite what we mean or the exhilaration that we feel. Does that matter? I don’t think so. If we create because we are in love with the process or the story our work tells praise is not so important. If our art makes us explorers we will definitely make mistakes from time to time and bad art sometimes but that is fine. When this does happens it is difficult not to listen to the voice telling you that you should just stick to convention- that experimenting and finding your own style is not for you. However Creativity calls us to do something different from the crowd- otherwise we would just be copying. Personally the therapy that I receive from making my own work in my own way is immense.

Recently I read an extremely inciteful article written by the speaker and mental health campaigner  Brioni Minkin  which sums up the need for self belief  well. .https://themighty.com/2016/07/how-to-stop-people-pleasing/

The strategies Brioni describes are qpequally true for creativity. A dear fellow artist is always telling me. ” Why are you asking me if I think this is right? You are the expert on you and you are the only one who can truly say what is best for you .” With these words ringing in my ears my creativity is revived and I shall pick up my brush once more to be who I am…